I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's shark week go big or go home
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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