Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
