It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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