I skipped work to stalk him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
