It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
