Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
