i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
