I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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