I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
