suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
