I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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