found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
