i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
