Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
