By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
