What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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