Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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