One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
