So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My penis needs a shock collar
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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