Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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