Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
