your room smells of hookers.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form