i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...