What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
