OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
