the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
