Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
