If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
