I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
