Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
