"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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