His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My life is pants optional.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
