You really coming over, don't trick.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
