brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
