I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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