My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
