things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Of course I have a pirate flag
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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