I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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