You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
