Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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