im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
