Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
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