Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
