I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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