I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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