??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
