Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
