Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
