just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize