I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Someone came in the potted fern
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
