I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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