Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
