Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
