You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
