If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
