Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are all done wearing pants today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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