so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
