This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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