Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
