oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
