i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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