don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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