pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
