He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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