I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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