your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
North Korea, Best Korea!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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