The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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