He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
